The Polygraph Place

Thanks for stopping by our bulletin board.
Please take just a moment to register so you can post your own questions
and reply to topics. It is free and takes only a minute to register. Just click on the register link


  Polygraph Place Bulletin Board
  Professional Issues - Private Forum for Examiners ONLY
  scorpions, frogs, and sex offenders at anti-poly

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   scorpions, frogs, and sex offenders at anti-poly
rnelson
Member
posted 01-03-2008 01:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rnelson   Click Here to Email rnelson     Edit/Delete Message
Henry Kissinger?:
quote:
A scorpion asks a frog to carry him across a river. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion reassures him that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown as well. The frog then agrees; nevertheless, in mid-river, the scorpion stings him, dooming the two of them. When asked why, the scorpion explains, "I'm a scorpion; it's my nature."

Ebvan,

First, let me say that I have huge respect for your effort and achievements at anti. You and Eric have set a new standard, for fact-checking and telling it like it is. And you've both done so in a way that is so persistent and accurate that George has started to loose his temper and curse.

I read your recent post at anti and felt compelled to comment.

quote:
Mr. Truth Just to see where you are coming from I went back and read your original post i this forum. The one where you discuss and freely admit your crime. I have a certain amount of respect for someone who is prepared to "own" his behavior.

The one thing that really stood out in this reading is that way that you focus the negative consequences of this crime towards what it cost you rather than what it cost your victim to wit: " I can assure you there is nothing you can say to make me feel worse than what I've done to myself in that regard. What a colossal blunder. It cost me a military career and over a million dollars in lifetime retirement benefits."

You stated that you successfully completed your jail time and probation but you didn't express much empathy for the real victim. You may have failedyour program in that regard.

Sancho Panza


The scorpion story is always a reminder for me, about whom we are dealing with.

Mr. T, as you have noted, is just such a creature. He will always have his flaws, limitations, and defects.

He has, as you have noted, owned his sexual offense against his daughter - more consistently than the other offenders at anti.

Sex offenders do not have "real empathy." If they did they would not sexually assault others. There is disagreement among clinicians about whether empathy can be taught, and about whether therapy is limited to psycho-education.

The only real sound treatment approach for a narcissist is psychodynamic psychotherapy, and the achievement of a narcissistic ego collapse - something that rarely, if ever, happens with well-defended narcissists, who are mostly just out of psycho-arms-reach.

Even if real empathy cannot be taught, we can and should teach empathic behaviors, and empathic responses to social cues (but not with psychopaths). What this would look like is exactly what you observe with Mr. T. You see a man who owns his offense, and can state that it impacted the victim, even though he more readily recalls the impact on himself. You also see a man who remembers to make statements about victim impact to other offenders who neglect to do so.

That may be as good as it gets.

But remember, that's exactly what we want that from the likes of him - to remember to think about the victim, and to try to feel good about himself doing that.

So, rather than criticize and undermine his "lack of empathy," it might be more helpful to appreciate his efforts to be empathic, through occasional verbal statements of victim empathy, even though he is not really empathic and remains somewhat narcissistic. That way we encourage the continuance of that empathic dialog/behavior - and we draw a distinction for all to see, between his approach and that of Jester who makes no statements of empathic concern. Let him wear his new-found empathy badge, like the Scarecrow, Tin-man and Lion carry their diplomas, hearts, and courage. He's safer that way (as long as he's not a psychopath.)

Every narcissist will need to be reminded from time to time, that they are doing it (narcissim) again. The best possible response may be a rote-learned behavioral response in which they first accept the message, then stop and check themselves out and correct things quickly. They will do that only if they learn to feel good about doing it (listening, responding, self-correcting). Every wounded narcissist needs encouragement, and every narcissist is wounded - they simply learn to hide there woundedness under almost impenetrable characterological armor.


----------

from another post.

quote:
Hostility towards convicted sex offenders is not irrational at all.

At the risk of sounding like a peace-mongering/pacifistic/social(ist) worker/bleeding-heart/do-gooder/therapist type, there are some who would suggest it is irrational, as it does little to make the situation any better.

I'm not suggesting we do anything other than punish or correct problem behavior, but as Anna Salter reminds us - how we treat others is not about who they are, its about who we are.

-----------

It does no good to quibble over offender's presence at anti or the Internet. Some courts have already upheld Internet communication as a right, just like mail and telephone. We should continue to ask the question about violations, but move on without getting into misguided conversations about offenders at anti or offenders on the net. That genie isn't goin' back in the bottle.

I think we should try to use Mr. T to our advantage.

His ownership of the instant offense should set a standard for any sex offender who wants to be taken seriously at anti. We start by pointing out the difference between Mr. T and others approaches, provide gold-nuggets of encouragement and respect, then begin to raise the standards and expectations further as time and situations allow. Sex offenders at anti should eventually come to know that ownership is the price of credibility and respect.

Our first response to any new offender might be to simply request that they start by telling us all about what they did and to whom they did it, then we'll gladly get to the other important stuff.


r

------------------
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."
--(Stanley Kubrick/Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, 1964)

[This message has been edited by rnelson (edited 01-03-2008).]

IP: Logged

ebvan
Member
posted 01-03-2008 03:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ebvan   Click Here to Email ebvan     Edit/Delete Message
I appreciate your comments regarding my posts. They always cause me to reevaluate my thought process, which is never a bad thing. Please don’t stop, I for one can always use some feedback.

I understand that Mr. T may never actually have empathy for his victim. I chose to deliberately "spank him with his own words" a bit because of his "height of stupidity" comment regarding polygraph.

It was also meant as a reminder to him and whoever else might read the post, as to who the real victims really are. I think that his disclosure can definitely be used as an example to the other S.O. posters on the AP forum, but the vast majority of his posts engage in name calling, encourage countermeasures and criticize polygraph. We probably won't be spending any long weekends together at the sea shore.

I still maintain that hostility against sex offenders is not irrational. (even though it was posted as bait) Hostile by the definition intended simply means opposed. Hostility, unless it takes on a malevolent aspect is not irrational at all. Society is hostile towards criminals because it imposes punishments and sanctions on behavior it deems criminal. Simple hostility is not irrational it is the form that hostility takes that may or may not be irrational. I do not encourage malevolent hostility towards a convicted SO although I can empathize with the victims who do. I learned a long time ago that in order to obtain admissible confessions from suspects, SO suspects in particular, I would have to suppress my malevolent hostility towards the people who committed this type of crime. To quote my old partner “Leave it outside Bub. They won’t confess if they think you hate their guts. “So I put on a mask and went in and got the confession. Eventually the mask became me. I no longer think that they should be castrated by a rusty beer opener at high noon on the city square preferably by the victim or a close family member thereof. Well at least I don’t think ALL of them should be treated that way. (Gee remember when if you wanted a beer you had to poke a hole in the can)

Regarding SO's I can be empathetic, understanding, helpful, and encouraging, because many are just broken toys badly in need of repair, but the antonyms for hostile are agreeable, friendly, gentle, kind, nice, welcoming and tolerant. I think I am still going to have significant problems with agreeable, welcoming and tolerant and my ability to be friendly, gentle, kind and nice will be based on an individual’s behavior rather than a group dynamic.

But I will try to do better.


------------------
Ex scientia veritas

IP: Logged

stat
Member
posted 01-03-2008 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stat   Click Here to Email stat     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with Ray----great job ebvan! All this talk of narcissism reminds me of how handsome and funny I am!

Welcome back Raymond!

and the clip of the day is;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE0A6Dy3H50

------------------
"This is our hill and these are our beans."----
Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin, Naked Gun 1988


[This message has been edited by stat (edited 01-03-2008).]

IP: Logged

Taylor
Member
posted 01-03-2008 08:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taylor   Click Here to Email Taylor     Edit/Delete Message
Okay guys, can you make some posts and get me off the top ten messages? Chris McPhee is stupid but I also don't want him or the other deviants getting my phone number that easy.

IP: Logged

Barry C
Member
posted 01-03-2008 09:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barry C   Click Here to Email Barry C     Edit/Delete Message
Okay Donna. I just babbled about virtually nothing for 8 or 9 posts, but you're now in off the top ten.

IP: Logged

Taylor
Member
posted 01-03-2008 09:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taylor   Click Here to Email Taylor     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks BC!

IP: Logged

Ted Todd
Member
posted 01-03-2008 11:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ted Todd     Edit/Delete Message
Are you all using a proxy on the AP site or just going at it from the home computer? I am just curious given the history of the Anti-site.

THX

Ted

IP: Logged

stat
Member
posted 01-03-2008 11:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stat   Click Here to Email stat     Edit/Delete Message
I reserve my antipolygraph posting to my Commodore 64. That's a whopping 21kb of processing mega power. I find the black and white monitor to give an artistic look to the images. OK, not funny.

I do not use a proxy server, I use my wife's laptop. Next best thing. teehee

------------------
"This is our hill and these are our beans."----
Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin, Naked Gun 1988


IP: Logged

Barry C
Member
posted 01-04-2008 08:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barry C   Click Here to Email Barry C     Edit/Delete Message
I use Mozilla with the proxy program suggested by George to protect his sex offender friends. I don't think it does much of anything. I still see ads for local stuff, so it shows I'm in the Portland area. I probably have some settings wrong.

I'm so easy to find - phone, address, etc, that I don't worry too much about it as there's little I can do.

I use spyware, a software and router firewall and anti-virus to keep as safe as I can. All are free - and I've used them for years.

IP: Logged

stat
Member
posted 01-04-2008 09:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for stat   Click Here to Email stat     Edit/Delete Message
I don't believe that there is any more threat matrix for virus than there would be with any other internationally used web forum. If I am wrong, than my wife's laptop will have to be wiped, and I will likely blame the virus for
HER celebrity website viewing (muhahaha.)


And now, Stat's official silly short clip of the day; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUus3IsrIeM&feature=related

------------------
"This is our hill and these are our beans."----
Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin, Naked Gun 1988


IP: Logged

Taylor
Member
posted 01-04-2008 10:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taylor   Click Here to Email Taylor     Edit/Delete Message
I just use my home computer with no proxys. I have good virus and spyware protection.

As for them finding me - most of them already know after the 'outing'. I just didn't want it on the top 10 messages because like McPhee - he is so dumb he didn't realize I was a Polygraph Examiner until yesterday. Plus I don't want any harassing phone calls (hasn't happened yet and I would like to avoid the possibility)

IP: Logged

ebvan
Member
posted 01-04-2008 12:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ebvan   Click Here to Email ebvan     Edit/Delete Message
See what you started Nelson Now Sergeant wants respect arrrgggghhhh!

------------------
Ex scientia veritas

IP: Logged

Taylor
Member
posted 01-04-2008 03:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taylor   Click Here to Email Taylor     Edit/Delete Message
I wonder if it would be beneficial to notify Conneticut PD (I think that was where he is from) and inform them they have an officer that spends time on the anti polygraph site which assists criminals. I think we concluded the number after Sarge may be his badge number.

IP: Logged

Taylor
Member
posted 01-04-2008 03:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Taylor   Click Here to Email Taylor     Edit/Delete Message
BTW, I think Barry scared off Cliff as he has been noticably absent from AP.

IP: Logged

rnelson
Member
posted 01-04-2008 03:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rnelson   Click Here to Email rnelson     Edit/Delete Message
That is what we clinical types call "rich."

It speaks volumes to who he is, his need for encouragement, and his tendency to whine.

It would be ideal if the sarge, could appreciate the intrinsic value and rewards of having been a consistently decent and helpful member of his community.

Out of fairness, sarge and anyone else who has served their country or community deserves respect and gratitude.

He might just be pointing this out, or he might be expressing his need for encouragement. If he were a sex offender in a treatment group, he'd go home with a writing assignment about his cognitive distortions or thinking errors (in cognitive-behavior lingo) or irrational beliefs (in rational emotive therapy- speak) - specifically, something called the "fallacy of fairness," or the tendency to expect equivalency. 'cause, let's face, life ain't fair sometimes.

Whether people like the Bible or not, there are some interesting stories and lessons in the book. One in particular concerns the return of a prodigal son. There are, of course, other reasons and lessons, including economic reasons, about why should recognize and support the efforts of people to reform their errant ways.

I wonder how he would react to some offhand feedback about the assumption that we assume stable and mature folks to be self-actualizing and thick skinned.

FWIW, I thought your last response to him was outstanding.

r


------------------
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."
--(Stanley Kubrick/Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, 1964)

IP: Logged

rnelson
Member
posted 01-05-2008 10:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rnelson   Click Here to Email rnelson     Edit/Delete Message
more whining.

It's becoming more and more evident that 'sarge really perceives himself as a victim. Its possible that self-object-representation extends beyond his experience with the polygraph.


r

------------------
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."
--(Stanley Kubrick/Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, 1964)

IP: Logged

All times are PT (US)

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | The Polygraph Place

copyright 1999-2003. WordNet Solutions. All Rights Reserved

Powered by: Ultimate Bulletin Board, Version 5.39c
© Infopop Corporation (formerly Madrona Park, Inc.), 1998 - 1999.